Saturday, August 7, 2010

Bundesliga? Ya Wohl!

July 11th at about 230pm was the worst possible moment I can think of. No, not because the World Cup ended in a Spanish victory, it was the longest possible time before the next World Cup. Luckily every single day brings us closer to 2014, and the Euro Cup is waiting for me in 2012. I managed to watch every single game, the vast majority live, and aside from being able to live out one of my lesser dreams I was shocked at what a grind it was. Getting up at 3am and sitting in a bar until 2pm was surprisingly exhausting, and I think I managed to carry the bar financially during the 6am to noon doldrums. With all of that in mind you would think that I'd like to take a break from football, but you couldn't possibly be more wrong. I'm actually planning on expanding the amount of time I spend watching a bunch of millionaires kick a ball around for 90 minutes.

I recently decided that I needed to give the German Bundesliga a shot since its apparently the most watched league in Europe. I'm not really clear what that means (attendance or TV viewers), but it was enough to get me thinking about choosing a Bundesliga team to follow. I was able to eliminate one immediately, Bayern Munich, but that left me with quite a few teams to choose from. I started following all of my current teams between the ages of 13 and 18, but I never really put much thought into it beyond "I like Player X" followed by staying with the team over time. I started by asking around for suggestions and just looking over team websites, and I managed to settle on a handful of teams and some criteria for making my final decision.

These are the criteria I decided on, they are by no means final and in no particular order, and are also quite stupid.


Young Talent / Franchise Future :
I'd like at least one guy to look forward to seeing for a few years. The weird thing here is that most non-Bayern teams will most likely lose their super talented youth to Bayern eventually, so the best I can hope for is a very talented guy who won't get sold off. I'm also not interested in following a team that just buys all of their players in their prime with eye watering transfer fees.

Bundesliga Tenure :
This is an unfortunate requirement since I have no access to the Zweite Bundesliga, and I'm going to be pissed if I settle on a team and they promptly get relegated. I would like my team to win titles, but Manchester United has spoiled me rotten so I'm not going to require my team to win the league regularly. I'm going to be watching everything on ESPN3, so I think setting the bar at "Don't get demoted" is pretty reasonable.

Great Kits :
The most ludicrous of my criteria. Being in the design profession causes me to think about these things, so I can't help it. You may laugh, but I would be pissed if I was a Chelsea fan right now. This is also complicated because most Bundesliga teams are Adidas kits, and for some reason the brain trust at Adidas decided to drop a deuce on their teams. Yes, Chelsea is supplied by Adidas.

I've settled on a starting six that I'm going to "audition" this upcoming season, hopefully one of them wins me over.


1 - Werder Bremen.
These guys have an unfair advantage right now: Mesut Özil. Özil was awesome for Germany during the World Cup, so they get a Man Crush bonus with a 21 year old guy that looks like a muppet. The problem is that I wouldn't be surprised if Bayern Munich bought him before or during the season. Werder Bremen also has an interesting team history and a habit of staying in the Bundesliga. I'm also happy that they use Nike kits and the Green-Orange color scheme isn't as bad as it sounds. Sadly, this year their kit looks like a complete disaster. It looks like Nike started with Slovakia's Charlie Brown lightning bolt theme and said "How can we make this look worse?", and they nailed it. Bonus : Champions League in 2010-11.


The unintentional comedy here is through the roof, I just wish I spoke German.

2 - Bayer Leverkusen.
As soon as Andrew told me that people call them Neverkusen, because they never win the league no matter how good they are, I knew they needed to be included. I have a bad habit of choosing lovable failures without knowing, so why not join the Neverkusen bandwagon? Leverkusen features midfielder Toni Kroos and striker Stefan Kiessling (21 goals), both German nationals. They have a good history of staying up, but their kits (Adidas) aren't so great. Negative : Much to my dismay they have brought back Michael Ballack, and I don't know if I can root for a former Chelsea player that I have never liked.


Something tells me I'll need alot of this.

3 - VfL Wolfsburg.
These guys were in the Champions League this year and won the Bundesliga in 2008-09, but their coach left the previous season and they had a bit of a meltdown this past season. They feature the league's top scorer in Edin Dzeko (22 goals), but the big budget vultures (Man City) are circling as I type. They also suffer from Adidas kits, but I like their Green-White colors. Bonus : Just hired Steve McClaren who just won the Erdevisie title with FC Twente.

4 - Borussia Dortmund.
Recommended by a friend, second least familiar with them. Nevin Subotic is most recognizable player for me, there is some kit potential here with their Yellow-Black non-Adidas look, and a good history of avoiding relegation.

5 - Eintracht Frankfurt. Another recommendation and the biggest unknown for me. They don't have a history of getting relegated, but they don't have a history of finishing top of the table either. Their roster is a giant question mark, and their top scorer had 10 goals last year. They do get points for having a decent non-Adidas kit, and their Red-Black colors go nicely with my existing loyalties.

6 - FC Kaiserslautern. This is Andrew's team, so I'm giving them a fair shot. I have no idea who their players are, and they were just promoted from the Zweite Bundesliga. They have a history of moving between the leagues, so I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about them even if they do everything right but wind up bottom of the league. Andrew has nothing but great things to say about them, well he hates their uniforms, so I'm getting some good background on them. Plus, nice to see a team from a small town do well, nothing wrong with a loyal local fan base. Bonus : Andrew's lobbying.

There must be a Zoolander joke here somewhere.

All of the fun starts August 20th, and despite all of my considerations I don't really know who I'm going to wind up with after the season. All of my experience with the Bundesliga revolves around extreme profanities, for real events and video games (FIFA 98 & 99), right around 1998-2001. I'm very interested to see if my life can weather an additional league, something crazy could happen like fostering greater respect for Michael Bradley and ending up a Borussia Mönchengladbach fan. Even if I don't enjoy the Bundesliga at least I'll walk away with some German curse words, its the least I can hope for.

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