Fixing... Newcastle United FC

Welcome to the first of many new posts dedicated to fixing horrible uniform designs. I have been upset with various designs over the years, which is why we started the 10 Best/Worst kits posts, but I've never really done anything beyond furrow my brow in dismay. I'm going to split these into two designs; Tweak (slight change to existing design), and Fix (making things much better).

My first target is the atrocious home kit for Newcastle United FC. These guys have been slowly descending into the depths of design hell over the years, and they managed to hit rock bottom for the 2011-12 season. This is kind of depressing, considering the yellow/blue debacle of the 2009-10, at least those retained the classic striping pattern.

Horrible

TWEAK

I'm completely frustrated with the way they changed the striping, and the sponsor logo patch makes me weep. I brought back the striping, the sleeves can stay white, and brought the Puma logo down to align with the club crest. The Northern Rock logo goes to gold with a white outline, no need for the black box.

FIX

Completely restored the striping that looks so good, and now that Adidas isn't the sponsor the triple tripe look is gone. Puma logo aligns with the crest, like the tweak, and I decided to go in another direction with the sponsor logo. Northern Rock uses a magenta square logo, which is actually semi-hidden in the text logo (its the period), so why not go bold with the logo? I'm not a huge fan of corporate logos on uniforms, but if we are going to do it why not make it unique and visually interesting?

Top Ten Best Club Kits Of 2011-2012

With the worst kits out of the way, it time to open the season with a look at the best kits of the season. I wasn't really blown away by anything, aside from the Russian Premier League and the J-League landing two on the list, but it was a pleasant to cut this down from twelve instead of working with seven or eight.

SUNDERLAND (Home & Away)

This is amazing to me, Sunderland managed to keep their home kit looking nice AND come up with a decent away kit. They kept the stripes, simple black collar and cuffs, and the away is so clean and simple I couldn't help liking it. I actually wanted to add Rangers' new away kit since its essentially the same design as Sunderland's. The only gripe I have is the construction and how the stripes meet at the back, this doesn't look right at all, I'm sure the stripes could have been aligned.

ZENIT ST. PETERSBURG (Home)

I know, its got a pattern, but its subtle and simple enough that it doesn't bother me. I almost wish that the sleeves were also patterned, but I've seen a number of pictures of this kit in action and the pattern doesn't stand out as much as you would think.

EVERTON (Home & Away)

Not much to say here, but right up my alley. Simple, clean, and the only thing I would add is a collar to the away similar to the home.

INTER MILAN (Home)

Tried an true, the stripes of Inter Milan come through again. Had a great kit last year, still do, and I love their name/number font. This was almost Manchester City's new away, but in the end the odd orientation of the shoulder striping made me change my mind. Now if only Inter would sell Sneijder to a certain team in Manchester, I'd be even happier.

OLYMPIQUE LYON (Home)

Another nice kit from Lyon, they have been doing some really great work with that blue and red stripe for years now. I also enjoy the very subtle image of their lion crest in the stripe, really hard not to like this one. Only improvement would be the centered Adidas logo, why Adidas? WHY?!

MAINZ (Home)

Arsenal manage to continue their streak of great jerseys, oh, I meant Mainz. This is basically Arsenal's kit aside from the thick red cuffs, but that doesn't mean it isn't a great look. I love the solid body and white sleeves, lets just hope Mainz doesn't have jockey uniforms next year.

Arsenal look good this year.

BOHEMIAN FC (Away)

Girondins de Bordeaux, I hope you are reading this, because this is how to use a V design. Simple and clean, nicely placed striping, why is this so hard?

NAGOYA GRAMPUS (Home & Away)

I was going to spend most of this paragraph wondering what a "Grampus" is, but I don't think anyone wants to read it. Another good example of well designed V striping, I even like how the sponsor logo fits in. I'm sure Chevron is crossing their fingers that Lyon uses this design next year.

URAWA RED DIAMONDS (Home & Away)

I love collars, I really wish more teams would use them again. This is another example of how patterns can look great without being overwhelming. Simple designs done well, hard to believe these were made by the same company that created the Oregon Ducks 2008 uniforms.


SPARTAK MOSCOW (Home & Away)

These are awesome, and possibly my favorites for the year. I love the centered location of the team crest, the reversal of the colors between home and away, and how the sponsor's logo almost feels integrated into the design. I was really pleased with these since most of the Russian Premier League kits (Part 1 & Part 2) either look like shit or a plain shirt with a sponsor ironed on the front.

Top Ten Worst Club Kits Of 2011-2012

With many leagues already started, and the Prem kicking off in a week, its time for the Sports Optimator's annual kit rant. I'm actually semi-pleased this year, since it wasn't painful to identify ten good kits, but the crop of horrible designs was ripe and ready for criticism. I'm going to start with the ten worst, which wasn't as deep as previous years, and start a new segment I'm going to call "You Decide" since I can't be rational with the bonus 11th design. As usual, these are in no particular order, they all tend to suck fairly equally.

BORUSSIA DORTMUND (Home & Third)

Oh, how the Sports Gods test my new found interest in the Bundesliga. Gradients, and worse, dotted gradients may actually be my mortal enemy. They also lose points for having a design that has a giant blank space for the sponsor logo. I'm also really confused when it comes to Dortmund since they started 2010 with a pretty nice home kit, then changed at the end of the year to an ugly one, now they start the 2011-12 season with an even worse one. Maybe winning the Bundesliga has gone to their heads.

I'm almost sorry I started following them.

NEWCASTLE UNITED (Home)

I think the first time I saw this I may have actually muttered "There is no God" and held my head in my hands. Ever since Newcastle United got a divorce from Newcastle Brown Ale things have only gotten worse. This kit was once a classic and one of my favorites, but now its just a giant mess. The striping has been ruined, the manufacturer logo is bizarrely placed high up on the shoulder (not an improvement on Adidas' super-center-alignment approach from 2009-10), blank patch for the sponsor, and the back is a train wreck. I can't believe I'm saying this, but the kit was better last year.

I think this caused Joey Barton's twitter rant.

AC MILAN (Home)

Adidas is really testing my patience. All they really did here was change the stripe width, and it makes my blood boil. There is something decidedly unpleasant about the striping, it reminds me of an optical illusion that will no doubt cause eye strain, which is appropriate for a league that is hard to watch. Add in the white sleeves, and you have a completely forgettable kit, please go back to the wider stripes Adidas!

OLYMPIQUE MARSEILLE (Away & Third)

OM continues its tradition of bizarre kit designs yet again. The away kit isn't that offense, but I have a thing against patterned fabric, and this kit reminds me of upholstery. The third kit might actually make my eyes bleed if I look at it much longer, maybe bar codes are fashionable in France.

ARSENAL (Away)

Say it ain't so Arsene! After a few years of some great kits, the Gunners get a weird one. This looks like a rugby shirt you would buy at Abercrombie & Fitch, and it get worse thanks to one of the most entertaining players in football. I'm not making this up, when Andrei Arshavin was asked about the new away kit he said "Our guest [away] uniform next season will look like jockey clothes." I think that pretty much sums it up.


GIRONDINS DE BORDEAUX (Home, Away & Third)

Why do the French have such an obsession with sailor boys?! Ok, I get it, the team crest has a V in it, and the kit mirrors that. It still looks like a sailor outfit, like these guys are going to a Halloween party, Manchester United was able to pull off the V so it can't be that hard.


WERDER BREMEN (Home & Away)

Woof, these look horrible, especially the away Orange/Green kit. They had decent orange kits with some green two years ago, but these just look horrible. All I can think of is pumpkins, and then my eyes start to get tired with all the stripes. They lose even more points with the electrical tape font on the back that is almost as bad as Netherlands' international kits.
Side note : How is it that the Bundesliga doesn't have a standard font? The Premier League has a standard font, even the Championship and League One have one, but the Bundesliga doesn't? So few teams pull off a decent custom font (Inter Milan, Bayern Munich, Barcelona) I don't see why more leagues don't go to a standard font.

GAMBA OSAKA (Home, Away & Third)

At first I tried very hard to confine this list to the biggest leagues, but the J-League really stepped it up to make it in. These all look like they belong in the Tour de France, not on the pitch, and even the tiniest details leave me wondering what they were thinking. Their club crest has five stars, most likely representing league titles, but the arrangement of the stars is so random, they aren't even centered on the crest. Also another kit with the manufacturer's logo placed higher up on the shoulder than the crest, this must be a new trend since its spread to Umbro.

PSV EINDHOVEN (Away)

Holy hell, this kit is basically a laundry list of every design trend that makes me insane. Patterned body that doesn't match the back, solid sleeves with a patterned body, shoulder stripe, sponsor patch, and the spreading trend of another sponsor where the player's name should be while the name is now below the number.

BARCELONA (Home)

This initially drew my ire because it appeared that Nike was going to use this striping pattern on four other kits (Inter Milan, Juventus, and Atletico Madrid), which drives me nuts. World Cup kits often leave me disappointed because manufacturers just come out with one kit, slap on the crest, and change the colors. Its boring, and sad, and I thought this was going to happen. Luckily for everyone else it looks like Nike decided that only Barcelona's kit would be ugly. Nike messed with the stripes, this seems to be a theme this year, and made a mess out of a kit that usually looks good. The only upside is that they got rid of the horrible electric yellow from last year.

YOU DECIDE

FRENCH NATIONAL TEAM (Away)

Of all the kits I looked at, I found myself spending an enormous amount of time thinking about this one. The first time I saw this I paused a moment and said "This looks like a gondola pilot's uniform", and I was pretty damn close. Apparently this was inspired by the French Navy, more specifically La Mariniére which is a 19th century naval uniform. I get where they are going here, everyone likes Breton stripes, and they do look good, but I couldn't help laughing a little. After the farce France pulled at the 2010 World Cup, I would assume they would steer clear of anything even remotely comical, but maybe in France this is a source of enormous pride. If this was any other country (well, aside from Italy) I wouldn't have found anything funny.

If Samir Nasri comes out in a red snood I will die laughing.