Fixing... University Of Maryland Football

I am well aware this is a little late, but I was waiting on Uni Watch (www.uni-watch.com) to post my designs. I also didn't know Maryland was going to spring surprise uniforms on everyone for their opening game, apparently a uniform design version of "pull my finger" that had a similar outcome. I also didn't know that Maryland's intentionally garish uniforms would be so successful at making people talk about them, their cry for help worked really well.

I'm going to break from my Tweak/Fix format because the uniforms they unveiled initially and the ones they used against Miami are beyond tweaking for me. All I could think about during their first game was how Maryland looked like they should be the Joker or Two Face's henchmen from the 1960's Batman show, all they needed was Randy Edsall doing a Cesar Romero impression on the sidelines (Go get 'em boys!) to make it complete.

The only redeemable design elements for me are a sparing use of the black/yellow pattern from the Maryland flag and the turtle shell pattern on the white helmets. The below pictures are graphic and may cause vomiting and dizziness, they should not be viewed by anyone under the age of 18.

Holy shit, what is going on with that sleeve?!

I still can't decide if these are worse than the ones worn against Miami.

Gah! Patterned gradient numbers! Damn you all to hell!

Ok, so those are all horrible. I can't stand gradients, and the double sin of gradient numbers with a pattern behind it just makes it worse. These aren't so much uniforms as they are an attempt to get attention through garish design, which is sad, no fan base deserves this (well, maybe stanfurd) kind of uniform treatment. Maryland also seems to have fallen prey to the growing desire for black uniforms, but at least in Under Armour's defense they actually have black in their school/state colors.

FIX

So I decided that the black/yellow stripe on the helmet was by far the best part of the original designs. I really liked that move, it was subtle and made a node to the state flag. I definitely didn't want to drape the players in the state flag, but I wanted to use the black/yellow pattern and stick to white and red as the base of the design. I also decided to get rid of the "Terps" helmet logo they have been using for a long time, but I didn't want a blank helmet like their design, so I went with a lighter shell pattern and a new helmet logo. I caved in and made a black third/alternate uniform, I managed to avoid the "everything black" treatment that most teams go for. I can only imagine what college football games will look like in 10-15 years with every single team coming out with a solid black uniform.

HOME

AWAY

ALTERNATE

ENLARGED HELMET (Home/Road & Alternate)

Fixing... Newcastle United FC

Welcome to the first of many new posts dedicated to fixing horrible uniform designs. I have been upset with various designs over the years, which is why we started the 10 Best/Worst kits posts, but I've never really done anything beyond furrow my brow in dismay. I'm going to split these into two designs; Tweak (slight change to existing design), and Fix (making things much better).

My first target is the atrocious home kit for Newcastle United FC. These guys have been slowly descending into the depths of design hell over the years, and they managed to hit rock bottom for the 2011-12 season. This is kind of depressing, considering the yellow/blue debacle of the 2009-10, at least those retained the classic striping pattern.

Horrible

TWEAK

I'm completely frustrated with the way they changed the striping, and the sponsor logo patch makes me weep. I brought back the striping, the sleeves can stay white, and brought the Puma logo down to align with the club crest. The Northern Rock logo goes to gold with a white outline, no need for the black box.

FIX

Completely restored the striping that looks so good, and now that Adidas isn't the sponsor the triple tripe look is gone. Puma logo aligns with the crest, like the tweak, and I decided to go in another direction with the sponsor logo. Northern Rock uses a magenta square logo, which is actually semi-hidden in the text logo (its the period), so why not go bold with the logo? I'm not a huge fan of corporate logos on uniforms, but if we are going to do it why not make it unique and visually interesting?

Nike Finally Gets Something (Mostly) Right

After years of violating our visual senses, it looks like Nike has come up with something good. I'm hoping this spreads to other schools, but I'm not going to hold my breath hoping for something good at Oregon, Miami, or Virginia Tech. Nike's Pro Combat designs have been flat out horrible, and the three people that read this blog know how I feel about them. Nike seems to have broken away from the Pro Combat looks in creating Arizona States new uniforms, and I am delightfully surprised.

The 2010 edition. Horrible.

ASU had one of the worst uniform sets last year, mainly the maroon-on-maroon home look that makes me bleed internally. Nike has gone with a complete overhaul of the current look and added a black uniform set. They ditched the golden yellow piping, and most interestingly they dumped Sparky their long time logo/mascot. This is an obvious, and effective, attempt by Nike and ASU to bring a little more attention to their football program. If you google "Arizona State University" images you will quickly realize what the school is known for, and it isn't football.

A quick search for "Arizona State" yielded this, its the tamest one that came up.

The Good : I'm so happy they stuck with the traditional golden yellow and maroon colors, not a huge fan of maroon but considering the game of color hot potato they have been playing up in Eugene this is a plus. I don't have anything against Sparky, but the new helmet logo is great. I didn't come up with this, and if I could remember where I heard it I'd give them credit, but Sparky kinda looks like Walt Disney in a devil costume. The new trident logo is simple, relates to Sparky, and works really well as a helmet logo.

Sparky vs. new trident logo and ASU text.

I'm also happy they simplified the jersey and pants, getting rid of all piping and pants stripes. The addition of the trident shoulder striping is also a great move. Its similar to USC's shoulder stripes, which are a classic look, but with a modern twist. I'm not a huge fan of black uniforms if black isn't one of your school colors, but whatever. I'd feel better if they only used the black helmet and pants together with the white or maroon jersey, but I'm sure they will mix and match like Oregon. Also, I like the change to a Florida State style number font.

The 2011 edition. Very nice.

Bonus points for the tasteful Pat Tillman tribute on the collar. The marketing photos make the logo seem extremely prominent, but when you look at the players wearing them its very subtle.

The Almost Bad : My biggest gripe is with the ASU text on the shoulders. They just don't seem to fit in, I'm not sure if I can explain it. They look like Nike panicked because the uniforms look so different from previous years, so they needed something to let you know its Arizona State. I would have gone with numbers here like USC. I also have a long standing hatred for gradient numbers, which you see on the black jerseys.

Gradient numbers, my mortal enemy.

Overall this is a big win for Nike and Arizona State. Worst case scenario I go on to hate the ASU on the shoulders and best case scenario it helps the people of Tempe forget that their team sucks.

Nike Drops A Deuce, Virginia Tech Ruins 2010-11

I think I threw up in my mouth a little last night, but not just because Virginia Tech failed to save college football (more on this later). Boise State and Virginia Tech trotted out wearing Nike's newest wave of Pro Combat uniforms, and they were worse than I could have imagined. The geniuses at Nike have ramped up their campaign to turn NCAA football uniforms into a very very unfunny joke.

I'm not going to go over the new wave of garbage, since I may end up grinding my teeth into dust. If you are interested in reviewing them one of my favorite blogs (Uni Watch, yes, I get it) did a good piece on them for ESPN. Read it here.

The Tron Pumpkins failed to beat the Clowns, sadly the joke is on us.

The uniforms from last night made me sick. Nike is using the tradition and interest in college football to spring a tasteless marketing campaign. Their justifications for the designs are a joke, I can't imagine many people are excited about their team looking like they were just in a coal mine (West Virginia) or part of the cast of Tron (Virginia Tech). I'm also not sure why Halloween is in this year, there are three teams (Miami, Virginia Tech, and Oregon State) that look like they should be trick-or-treating. I'm actually curious if the Great Pumpkin is going to run out with Miami this year.

Ok, enough of Nike. My hatred for their Pro Combat stuff is well documented and goes back to last year. I was upset last night, and even more so this morning, when Virginia Tech failed to restore some sanity to the world of college football. Just to be clear, I don't have anything against Boise State. They have a great coach and a very good QB, I'd trade Chris Peterson for Jeff Tedford and Kellen Moore for Kevin Riley any day. Actually, I'd trade a ham sandwich for Kevin Riley, but that's another story. My concern is that a very good team that plays in a garbage conference is now positioned to coast through the season and walk into the BCS title game.

I knew it would happen, but when I looked at the rankings this morning I was shocked to see that eight morons gave Boise State a #1 vote in the AP poll. Only four people voted Ohio State #1, luckily forty seven stuck to Alabama. My last hope is Oregon State, who travels to the blue turf, but after they choked against TCU (great game by the way) I doubt they will be able to pull it off. Boise State will face such juggernauts as Idaho, New Mexico State, Louisiana Tech, and San Jose State in conference play while Ohio State will have to play Miami, Wisconsin, Penn State, Iowa, and Michigan. I'm calling it right now, if Boise State plays in the title game 2010-11 will be a sham of a season. God forbid they win, if they do the entire BCS system will implode into an absolute mockery of reason.

If Oregon State loses everything will depend on the computer rankings. It was nice to see the coaches weren't drinking to blue Kool-Aid to start the season, but they voted Boise State up to #3 after last night. I pray the computers can take into account the pitiful conference and weak schedule when BCS Rankings time rolls around. I don't like the current BCS system, I think we need a +1 playoff, but letting in a team based on warm feelings and "fairness" is not the way to fix it.

Top Ten Best Club Kits Of 2010-2011

This was disturbingly difficult. There are so few good kits this year, it was basically impossible to narrow it down to 10 different teams. The designs being shat out by all involved are so awful that the best designs were pretty no frills. Sadly, the vast majority of the "Best" involve vertical red stripes which is very disappointing.

ARSENAL (Home) : These aren't really in any order, but Arsenal is definitely #1. The Gunners return to a classic red body with white sleeves, very clean and simple. Well done on Nike's part, sadly a rarity this year, too bad their away kit has the yellow-maroon color scheme.


PSV EINDHOVEN (Home) : Extremely close to their 09/10 kit with one huge change; the rear continues the the vertical striping. Last year they had solid red backs, solid backs on patterned kits is one of my biggest pet peeves (see Werder Bremen in our 10 Worst post) and they got rid of that for the 10/11 version. Simple, clean, very nice.


MANCHESTER CITY (All Three) : This is lame, I know, they are pretty much the same as last year. That is how bad the crop of kits is this year, all it takes is a solid jersey with collar accents to make our Top 10. Also, to be fair, their third kit is the same as last year. So Umbro strikes gold by doing nothing, hopefully Nike/Adidas are reading this...

RANGERS (Home) : Another simple throwback inspired jersey. Not much to say here, but I do think they get points for having a collar. It makes me sad the the collar has become an endangered design element, so its nice to see it... even if its from 1970.

RANGERS (Away) : Yes, this is how hard it was to find 10 great jerseys. Vertical red stripes, get used to it.

CELTIC (Home) : I thought it would be nice if Celtic were right next to Rangers. They have ditched the bumble bee look for their classic green and white, and I like it.
AC MILAN (Home) : Ok, try not to fall asleep here because the vertical red stripes continue their assault on our Top 10. Adidas manages not to completely mangle this one, bonus for the new sponsor logo as well. I know its out of their control, but the rectangle of black with the sponsor inside it looked horrible. Tangent : I hate the way the rectangle + sponsor looks on kits. Just hate it. It looks like someone just slapped it on, look at Bayern Munich's new home kit. I don't even think the rectangle is the same white as their stripes.
SUNDERLAND (Home) : Simple, nothing crazy here. I don't know why, but vertical red stripes seems to be the way to go. I don't know why nobody out there rocks a blue or green. The only non-red vertical stripes I can think of is Juventus and Newcastle, and Puma butchered Newcastle, not to mention the sadness of a non-Newcastle Brown Ale sponsored jersey. How could you kill the greatest Club-Sponsor pairing ever?!

OLYMPIQUE LYON (Home) : Another white kit, but I like the old school sash element. I wish the sponsor logo didn't cut it in half, but with the way things work we are lucky that the sponsors don't pick the 25 man roster.
ATHLETICO BILBAO (Home) : Yes, they look like an American flag. I don't care, they look good. Nice to see Umbro nailing the simple and clean designs, I know Nike owns them so I don't understand how the two can be so different on that front.

Top Ten Worst Club Kits Of 2010-2011

It is with much sadness that we make this list, mainly because this has to be the worst year for kits ever. It was shockingly difficult to cut this list down to 10, it could have easily been 100. I'm not joking at all, 100. Adidas alone could field 50 horrible kits, we would really like to know whats going on at Adidas HQ. Only one of them made it on this list, only because there were more questionable design decisions out there, but Nike has started a trend of jagged/blurry designs that confuses us. Maybe they were bored.

WERDER BREMEN (Home & Away) : So bad they could be two different entries, but lets save some space here. There is absolutely nothing I like about these, maybe their standard green, but that is about it. I have said this before, but it looks like Nike took Slovenia's World Cup Charlie Brown look and said "How can we make this worse?", and they nailed it. These jerseys hit on everything I hate; random jags, two shades of the same color, back panel doesn't match the front, shit font that makes the Netherlands' electrical tape look good. I'm half convinced Mesut Özil took one look at these and said "Fuck this, send me to Real Madrid!"or whatever the equivalent is in German.

Side Note : Go to Google and type in "Slovenia Jersey" but don't hit enter yet, the #2 and #4 search suggestions contain "Charlie Brown." Nike, you guys rock.

TOTTENHAM (Home) : Puma follows up the deuce they dropped in 09/10 with something equally horrible. This makes the Spurs look like a bunch of sailor boys, just a warning, don't look up "sailor boy" on Google images. Maybe Puma was inspired by Japanese school girls.


BORDEAUX (All) : Puma strikes again, this time its tripled. Bordeaux really pioneered the Sailor look last year, and its back with a vengeance. Just to make things worse, Puma threw in a purple and pink kit. I'm also staring to notice, maybe its a Spanish/German/French thing, but all of the crappiest kits get trotted out on girls. Either that or a player with no shirt flanked by girls wearing the kit, although Mainz's kit isn't all that bad. I imagine that players are so humiliated by these kits they refuse to model them.

I like the one in the middle, the girl, not the kit.

OLYMPIC LYON (Away & Third) : These two look like they were made in some ludicrous Project Runway challenge. Maybe they didn't want to be outdone by Bordeaux, or maybe the strategy is to blind opponents. It saddens me a bit because their home whites actually look pretty good, apparently they only had enough good design juice for one kit.
AJAX (Away) : On the surface these look harmless, but they land on this list for sporting the most idiotic jersey gimmick I can imagine. What is it you ask? These jerseys GLOW IN THE FUCKING DARK. When would this be used? Do they play games in pitch darkness in the Eredivisie? Is Ajax's fan base made up of ravers and potheads... oh, wait, Ajax is in Amsterdam. Well, I still think these are stupid, add in the Baby Bjorn pattern and these give me a headache.

CELTIC (Away) : Really? Really?! I demand to know who thought this was a good idea.

CHIVAS & CHIVAS USA (Home) : A rare cross-border collaboration between the Primera Division and the MLS. These both look like they were made with parts of an American flag used in random patterns. Bonus points here for some Adidas-Reebok teamwork.

TSG HOFFENHEIM (All) : I'm really hammering Puma, and they deserve it. We get the sailor boy, boomerang accents from last year, and the odd pattern popular with the African teams in the World Cup. Puma must really be fighting with Adidas for the Bundesliga's ugly dominance.


BARCELONA (Away) : I don't get this at all. Last year it was salmon, now foam green. Maybe they are going for a nurse/doctor scrubs look. Suddenly white isn't good enough, at least their 08/09 yellow kit matched their colors and looked decent.


VFL WOLFSBURG (Home & Away) : These are horrible and, of course, by Adidas. I love vertical stripes, but not with dark green and black. The terminating shoulder stripes, the odd expanse between them, these have been tormenting me for years now. I really like the away kit because the green section pushes the Adidas and Wolfsburg logo way up high, and you can't see very well but there are these tiny gray marks all around the chest that look like a giant fingerprint.

Nike Craps On Rivalry Week, Extends Dominance Over Good Design

Today is a dark day for college football, no not because its Tim Tebow's last home game. Nike decided to ruin the nation's retinas with an display of bad design and tasteless marketing that makes me wonder if Satan is running the show. I have seen grumblings about an experimental Nike design featuring a spirograph-like design element floating around the web, but all accounts of the design seemed to make it seem like it had (thankfully) been shelved. Looks like Nike had us all fooled as Florida took the field in the above mentioned spirograph design during its game against Florida State, and successfully looked like the aborted love child of their retro uniforms. This has of course come with official jargon to try and rationalize the new Pro Combat design, but it doesn't take a genius to see these are just flat out ugly. The sad thing is that things could have been even worse! Perhaps some sanity caused Florida State to hold back on their own uniform disasters which are also part of the Pro Combat apocalypse.

Not content with ruining just one game, another set of bewildering designs were unvieled during the Miami-USF and Virginia Tech-Virginia games. These uniforms have multi-colored numbers, and in the case of Virginia Tech show us why gradients aren't seen very often.

You might be shaking your head right now, but wait, there is more! The Big 12 North is probably tired of getting passed over by the media, so Missouri has gone to great lengths to make you forget all about Florida by coming out in the ugliest Pro Combat uniform set and sticking it to common sense. I nearly confused them with Army's camo set, but these are much worse.

Shame on Nike, Miami, Florida, Virginia Tech, and Mizzou for turning a game into a marketing spectacle. My biggest fear is that the Oregon crew will see this as a challenge to their ugliest-uniform title and try to top it next year, and Cal (Nike uniforms) will come out with some version of the Pro Combat set that will force me gouge my eyes out.

Top Ten Best Club Kits Of 2009-2010

The Sports Optimator is proud to present its Top Ten Best Kits of 2009-2010. Sadly this list was painfully difficult to populate as the world of football jerseys has imploded for some reason *ahem* Adidias *ahem* and designers are going blind all over the world. We sincerely hope that things will turn around next year and we will wind up having a drunken argument over the top 10 instead of the worst 10 and nobody will get hurt. Once again, these are in no particular order and there is absolutely no bias even though the Sports Optimator(s) are Arsenal and Manchester United fans.

Arsenal (All Three) - After going through all the candidates for worst jersey it was a great relief to find a team with great jerseys. Arsenal managed not just one, but three great jerseys. The lesson here being that simple can be great, no need for complex piping or baffling colors (Barcelona, I'm looking at you, or more accurately averting my gaze) to create an exceptional design. The collar on the away and third jerseys is also awesome, the death of the collar saddens me.

Manchester United (All Three & Keeper) - If you told me that Nike, the reigning king of design abortions (Oregon Football), would land two multi-jersey entries in our top ten I wouldn't have believed you. Obviously the NCAA football crew isn't working on their football designs because simplicity is getting them rave reviews. The simple "V" and use of only a few colors makes Manchester United's jersey look good, so good in fact that even the Keeper is getting in on it (Petr Cech is very jealous right now) with a set of tops that look great.
Hamburg SV (White) - Shockingly, Adidas managed not to mangle a design and land in our top 10. It seems that Adidas has managed to keep some whites simple, but if the stripes didn't die into nothing mid-bicep this jersey would be great. My only gripe is Adidas' questionable logo placement, why not do Adidas & Hamburg at left and right chest? Why is one at a chest and the other centered? Olympique Marseille's white is very similar and just barely lost to Hamburg SV.
Roma (White) - Another simple design gone horribly right. Roma sticks to their colors and uses stripes to punch up their whites, which tend to be fairly dull around the world, without making it into a train wreck.
AC Milan (Home Red/Black) - A design that never gets old; vertical stripes, white collar, and a good color scheme. The only strikes against it are the centered Adidas logo and the shoulder stripes that stop mid-bicep.
Manchester City (All Three) - The dark horse of the group, and even though this list in in no particular order these may just be our top pick. Another great example of simplicity triumphing over flash, especially the black away and sash element on the whites. Major kudos to Umbro here, they seem to churn out great simple designs (England's kits from 2006-2010) without being boring.

Internazionale (Home & Away) - Nike is running away with the best 10 title with Internazionale being their third. This was almost PSV Eindhoven or Atletico Madrid, but the colors and classic striping were just too much, and their whites look great as well very much like Roma's. Simple and classic, nothing crazy here just good design. This could have been Sunderland as well, but their away kit made me think twice about including any of their jerseys.
Urawa Reds (Home Red) - Urawa just barely lost out to Manchester City as our top dark horse. I fully expected a carnival of horrors from the J-League, but was pleasantly amazed (even though half of them made me gag) by the Urawa Reds. Another simple design, avoids odd piping and randomly terminating stripes.
Celtic (Home & Away) - Nike strikes again with one of the most unique kits out there. They retained Celtic's long standing use of horizontal stripes, and even downed a few handfuls of shrooms to come up with the "bumble bee" look that actually looks pretty good. We won't get into the plaid shorts that go with their white international kit, we'll save that for our much anticipated worst shorts list.
FC Copenhagen (White) - This won out over others mainly as an example of how to use your logo well. A company that will not be named *ahem* Puma *ahem* likes to put its logo in 40 different places on its kits in the event you don't know who makes them. Kappa seems to have taken that approach and done something good with it on the sleeves. Too many logos? Definitely. An actual design element. Yes, so its ok.
Also Recieving Votes :

Lyon (White) - Very similar to Roma's, but added humor because their away black-red gradient is so hideous.

Paris Saint-Germain (Blue) - Arsenal away-esque, simple, and another Nike! Nike football seems to be bizarro-NCAA, can we have them switch teams for the sake of the Pac-10?

Atletico Madrid / PSV Eindhoven - Just barely lost to FC Copenhagen, this is what happens when more than one person tries to make a Top 10 list. To be fair they are very similar to Internazionale in the vertical striping, so maybe there should have been a Thick Vertical Stripes That Look Great category.