The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year...

Its that time of year again, Bowl Season! I finally get to melt into my couch and reap the benefits of Sanity’s win over the surging Media. Every season the media, and coaches who get “cheated”, come out and bash the BCS and do what they can to make it seem like the worst idea ever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it and I think we need a +1 format, but we were so close to the media taking it out on fans by “breaking” the BCS. Had Boise State played TCU for the National Title, gah, I don’t even want to think about it.

I’m cheating a little before I get to the bowls since I have to say something about the Heisman race. The award gets handed out on Saturday and I’d hate to write about it after the fact. Even though the award has one obvious winner, this could be one of the most interesting/controversial votes in a while. Lets look at the guys making the trip to NY, listed in order of probable voting.

Cam Newton (QB, Auburn) - Just based on what he has done on the field this year he is the hands down winner. Newton won the Maxwell Award (Best Player), Davey O’Brien Award (Best QB), and the Walter Camp Award (Player Of The Year)… so why is there a debate? Reggie Bush. Well, more accurately, Cecil Newton. Apparently Cecil Newton was stupid enough to try and get around $200,000 from Mississippi State to sign his son out of a JUCO, this supposedly happened without Cam’s knowledge. This is, of course, an NCAA rules violation and should result in the suspension of Cam Newton… but it hasn’t. Auburn ruled him ineligible just for shits and giggles, then asked the NCAA to reinstate him, and they did. Now back to Reggie Bush, he had something similar to this happen to him. An agent gave his parents benefits while at USC, he was later ruled ineligible, and was more or less forced to forfeit his Heisman. How Cam Newton keeps on playing is beyond me, not to mention nobody has said anything about whether Auburn came up with the cash. Auburn and Newton have been silent on this issue, which brings us back to the Heisman and a concern among voters. Bush’s Heisman forfeit was a first and shame, so with all of this swirling around less than a year later, are voters going to vote for a guy who could have to forfeit the trophy down the road? The Bush scenario is so fresh in everyone’s mind that its completely possible that Newton could lose this award out of fear, but the good news is that Cecil Newton is punishing himself by staying outside of the roof where the award ceremony is held.

LaMichael James (HB, Oregon) - Leads the nation in rushing yards (1682) and TD (21), key offensive weapon in the Oregon’s flashy offense, good national exposure, so why could he fall below Luck? James dealt with a pre-season battery charge with his (hopefully) ex-girlfriend, and its been hanging over his head all season. I was delighted to see yet another Oregon player struggling with the law, Andrew can back me up on that, but about a month ago I heard more about the whole situation. Apparently James got into an altercation with his then girlfriend, who reportedly attacked him, and he pushed her down. She pressed charges and he plead guilty to battery to get it all over with, but its been a bad press zombie and seems to be tainting his image. I’m not saying what he did was ok, but the media has been dragging out the battery charge like he punched her lights out for no reason. The bad press could sway Heisman voters away from his on field accomplishments, but then again battery might look pretty good compared to the mess Cam Newton is in.

The contenders, sadly Kevin Riley didn't make the cut.

Andrew Luck (QB, Stanfurd) - This is really close, he could be #2 by quite a bit and would be the biggest benefactor of a Heisman voter revolt. I think he steals a lot of Newton votes and has come on strong toward the end of the season. He enjoyed two consecutive complete demolitions (Cal & Oregon State) to end the season, and has been everyone’s pick for #1 overall in the NFL draft all year. Its no secret he is good, so if the voters turn sour on Newton look for Luck to finish very close to the top.

Kellen Moore (QB, Boise State) - First of all, Moore is a really good QB. The guy has been excellent since starting as a true freshman, but he plays in Idaho so few people get to see him. Sadly his entire Heisman campaign rested on the fortunes of Boise State which didn’t turn out so well. Voters will remember poor Kyle Brotzman boning two game winning FG instead of Moore’s insane 54 yard bomb to Titus Young that put the Broncos in position to win.

Bowl Schedule Highlights

Sad Trombone Bowl (MAACO Bowl Las Vegas) - Utah vs. Boise State. How the once thought to be mighty have fallen. Two teams once in the Top 5 who had decent shots at the National Title game, with some help, find themselves duking it out in a lower tier bowl. This should be a pretty good game, but I doubt either team is saying "Oh wow, we get to play in the MAACO Bowl!" after sniffing at a BCS game.

The BCS Took Our Teams Bowl (Outback Bowl) - Florida vs. Penn State. How do you get two 7-5 teams having bad seasons in a nationally televised New Years Day game? You send a bunch of your teams to BCS bowl games of course. The SEC is sending Auburn (SEC Champ) and Arkansas, and the top heavy Big 10 is sending Wisconsin (Big 10 Champ) and Ohio State. Everyone slides up, and now you get teams with vanilla records that got their teeth kicked in within their conference (Both 4-4) playing each other. I can't wait.

Random Local Sponsor Bowl Game (Beef 'O'Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl) - Southern Miss vs. Louisville. Nothing says bowl season like C-USA vs. Big East in a baseball stadium, unless you throw in a local sponsor and make the game irrelevant.

Best On Paper (Discover Orange Bowl) - Stanfurd vs. Virginia Tech. I hate to say it, I really do, but this could be the best game. I wanted to go with the title game because it could be 77-70 at halftime, but I have a feeling this could be close. VT just seems to keep winning, and Stanfurd is the favorite, but you just don't know. I also wouldn't be surprised if Stanfurd trampled all over VT, I'll have to wait and see.

Worst On paper (New Mexico Bowl) - BYU vs. UTEP. Nothing excites me more than two teams that are just barely bowl eligible going at it. I can hardly contain the joy. I almost went with the Holiday Bowl which features a Nebraska-Washington rematch, but I'm willing to bet Bo Pelini loses his cool and the Huskers win with something similar to their 56-21 victory earlier this year.

Lord Ferg, Forgive Me

I'm sure Sir Alex Ferguson is sending his spies after me right now, and I'd like to beg for mercy. I've gone and helped the enemy, and to make it worse I didn't make any money.

A higher-up at the LA Gooners, an Arsenal supporters group, asked me to help him out with a few shirts and I forsook my allegiances in the name of comedy. You can buy the shirt through the LA Gooners, sadly none of the proceeds will find their way into my pockets.

The shirt in action.

For those of you that don't get it, Emmanuel Eboué is an unabashed Jesus freak who likes making shirts as well.

Bonus points for using the current EPL font.

Bundesliga : Really Late Stock Report

Oh boy, am I behind on this. Perhaps being at Danny Coyle's every Saturday or Sunday morning at 430AM for just about the entire EPL season isn't a good idea, at least I get to watch good football. I'm also distracted by college football, the NFL, a (crappy) World Series, and something about LeBron James. Well, I'm all out of excuses, let get down to it.

Borussia Dortmund : UP. Top of the Bundesliga and they bookend a tepid run with solid wins over Bayern Munich (2-0) and Mainz (2-0). They managed a 1-1 draw to PSG in the Europa League and TSG Hoffenheim in the Bundesliga, then followed it up with a loss (in penalties) to OFC Kickers in the DFB-Pokal (German Cup). Despite a sorry run there they sit atop the Bundesliga, play the most attractive football I've seen from any league team, and are turning into serious favorites to win my devotion.

Yes, we can read.

Side Note : Read an interesting article on the role of Japanese players in Germany and how they have managed to get a foot in the door. The Bundesliga currently has four Japanese players, and Kagawa is quickly becoming the most popular... at least in Dortmund.

Werder Bremen : DOWN. These guys are almost in free fall, and are back to playing like crap. They have managed to lose three straight games in three different competitions. They lost to Bayern Munich 2-1 in the DFB-Pokal, Nurnberg 3-2 in the league, and 2-0 to Twente in the Champions League. They are currently 11th, have a negative goal differential (-2), and I'm not seeing much from potential Man Crush Marko Marin. To make things worse, they have to beat Spurs and Inter to stay in the Champions League AND pray that Twente does the same... not good.

Another Side Note : I will never get this, but why is Nürnberg "Nuremberg" in English? Why is München "Munich" to us?! It's not like we can't pronounce it, or it can't be spelled with our alphabet. This bothers me.

Bayer Leverkusen : DOWN. Another club enjoying a tepid run punctuated by draws and losses. At least they lost to a Bundesliga team (Borussia Monchengladbach) in the DFB-Pokal, and beat Schalke in their last league game. The good news is that Ballack hasn't touched the pitch since September 11th, and they are currently 4th, so its not all bad.

Cue sad trombone.

Eintracht Frankfurt : UP. These guys are on fire lately, going 4-1-0 in their past five games which includes a DFB-Pokal win over a Bundesliga team (Hamburg SV). I still can't name anyone on the squad without looking them up, but they seem to be getting it done. I can't help but think they are riding a bizarre hot streak, maybe its because their 30 year old Greek striker leads the Bundesliga with 9 goals. It doesn't really matter, they are playing well, scoring goals (13 in 5 games), playing defense (4 allowed), and most importantly winning.

Kaisersluatern : DOWN. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Well, they weren't really mighty to start out, but they sure played like it. 1FCK is down to 14th, just three points clear of the relegation zone, and this is after winning their last two games in convincing fashion. They drubbed Arminia Bielefeld (Worst team in the Zweiteliga) and Borussia Monchengladbach (Worst in the Bundesliga) 3-0. A win is a win, but they don't have alot to brag about. If they can take down Leverkusen this coming weekend and make Ballack stare in stone-faced silence I'll move them up the list.

VfL Wolfsburg : NO CHANGE. Wolfsburg isn't moving mainly because they don't have much farther to fall. They seem to be having alot of off field issues, but at least they have won their last three games to crawl into 12th place. The whole Edin Dzeko saga is a real headache, and may continue to be one until the transfer window opens in January. Dzeko has an insane €40 million buy-out clause in his contract, which eliminates all but the richest and stupidest clubs *cough* Manchester City *cough*. Despite this, the guy seems desperate to leave the sinking ship that is Wolfsburg. I just went through the Rooney saga, I don't need to get into another transfer/contract/wages conspiracy.

Fantasy Baseball, The End

Oh Baseball Gods, how fickle you are. The misery is finally over for me and the insufferable arrogance can resume at Andrew's, this is going to be a long offseason.

I probably spoke too soon when I said I was in standings purgatory, well, actually I did speak too soon. The Baseball Gods were kind enough to "shut down" a number of my players, which means they don't go on the DL and I can't replace them. Tulo, Yadier Molina, and Justin Upton found themselves lounging on the bench for the last week and I started my slide toward 4th. The Gods are cruel, very cruel.

Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

Andrew stayed in first and never had much trouble fending off the rest of us. The team in second suffered Shut Down hell and slid slowly away from 1st over the last week or so. The team that passed me didn't have a chance at 1st, so Andrew could sit back and enjoy his Cardinals failure to reach the playoffs.

Oh well, maybe next year.

Current Status
Bert - The Dude abides.
Andrew - Far out, far fucking out.

Sanity 1 - Media 0... For Now

Sanity finally struck back this week, if only for a little while. My fears of a bogus 2010-11 season are still there, but now there may be a savior in position to save us all. I'm talking about Oregon jumping TCU and Boise State in the rankings. We now have a viable team to sneak into #1/2 if Alabama or Ohio State lose a game. I still feel like Boise State shouldn't be ranked above a 1 loss BCS conference team when the season wraps up, that's how bad I think the WAC is.

I still have nightmares that the media is going to make a mess of this. Some idiot is still giving Boise State a first place vote, and I'm willing to bet if Alabama falls to one of the many tough teams on its schedule that idiot will have alot of friends. I feel a little bad that I'm so down on Boise State's title aspirations, but since its the media making a mockery of the BCS and not the team/school my hate is running at about 95% capacity.

The Bronco homers out there have been playing up their 51-6 win over Wyoming and 59-0 stomping of New Mexico State, real non-BCS powerhouses there. They have, not surprisingly, overlooked their much slimmer wins over paper tiger Virginia Tech (33-30) and Oregon State (37-24). Virginia Tech, who was #10 to start the season, went on to lose to an FCS school. Hopefully this destroys the "We beat VT!" argument, since it doesn't seem to be all that difficult. My only hope is that Nevada wins or hangs a bunch of points on Boise State, at this rate the Broncos could blow out their entire conference.

59-0 over the worst team in the 8th best conference? Yawn.

I'm very happy about Oregon's rise for a few reasons. The first one is that they beat Stanfurd to do it, and oh do I hate Stanfurd. I would give almost anything to see Harbaugh's head explode after they were up 31-24 at halftime and let Oregon destroy them with 28 unanswered points in the second half. A win over #9 Stanfurd is much more impressive than beating the Wyomings and New Mexico States of the world. They should also get a little media-idiocy bonus because Stanfurd's QB, Andrew Luck, is the popular pick for the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft (Buffalo, here he comes!).

My second reason is I think Oregon genuinely has a chance of going 12-0, and a 12-0 Oregon is a lock over Boise State. I'm a Cal fan, and I will sadly be cheering for Oregon to whup on us so they can keep the Broncos out of the title game. I don't think Oregon is a fluke, and should beat everyone in the Pac-10. I am worried about the depth of the Pac-10, it wouldn't shock me or anyone if they lost to USC or Oregon State. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Cal beat them at home, weirder things have happened. Lets just hope LaMichael James can keep his hands on the ball and off his girlfriend's throat (too soon?), he is just tearing it up on the ground and could be in the Heisman hunt if he keeps it up.

Sporno? Probably.

Well, its still early so the media will have plenty of chances to screw things up. I'm sure if VT finishes the year 11-2 someone will revive the "We beat VT!" argument and spread some insanity. Lets just hope that Alabama and Ohio State don't slip up *cough* LSU and Michigan *cough* and leave an opening for Boise State to jump into the title game.

Bundesliga : Stock Report Week 7

I finally get a week off after this for an International Break, I'm actually lucky I can't watch all of these games. I think it would be way too much work to follow everything, I may have bitten off more than I can chew just following a few Bundesliga teams. Damn NFL, NCAA, MLB, and EPL.

Borussia Dortmund : UP. Win 2-0 against Bayern Munich. Dortmund won, quite convincingly, but after watching this game I can see why Bayern is playing so poorly. They are without Ribery and Robben (their two best offensive weapons), and it showed against Dortmund. Dortmund didn't play all that well in the first half, and should have been down at least 1-0, but they came out and put Bayern away in the second half. Sad to see one of my World Cup mancrushes, Holger Badstuber of Bayern, play like crap.

Lucas Barrios scored his 4th, and spurned Argentina. I like this guy.

Werder Bremen : NO CHANGE. Drew 2-2 with Leverkusen. I wish I could have watched this game since Marin scored and Per Mertesacker made his return.

Bayer Leverkusen : NO CHANGE. Drew 2-2 with Werder Bremen, couldn't watch and they managed not to get blown out like they did against Inter in the Champions League.

Kaisersluatern : NO CHANGE. Lose 2-1 to Hamburg. Didn't get to watch this game either, but they are not looking good. 1FCK is falling down the table fast and find themselves 2 clear of the relegation zone.

Eintracht Frankfurt : UP. Beat Stuttgart 2-1 and fly clear of the relegation zone, I'm not cure what to make of these guys yet. They win 3 in a row then drop 2, have only scored more than 2 goals once (4-0 over Borrussia Monchengladbach), and haven't been able to draw once.

VfL Wolfsburg : NO CHANGE. Draw 1-1 against Monchengladbach. McClaren has been able to turn them around (3-0-1) after a horrible start (0-3-0) and find themselves in the middle of the table. They could still sneak into the Top 3, but they are going to have to finish the season strong.

Bundesliga : Stock Report, Week 6

Another late report, you can blame it on the apocalyptic state of the Bundesliga. If you aren't sitting down you probably should...ok... Bayern Munich is not top of the table. Something crazy is happening this season, and lowly Mainz is 6-0-0 and top of the world. I'm going to put it all on sample size, the season is still young and Mainz has been playing well beyond their means. If you watch them nothing jumps out at you, they are a very organized vanilla no-name team that has been playing well. I'll put my money on Dortmund to finish above Mainz, and I'll be shocked if they finish in a Champions League spot (Top 3).

Borussia Dortmund : UP. Dortmund are on fire, winning 3-1 over St. Pauli and sitting #2 in the Bundesliga. Shinji Kagawa scores his fourth goal of the season, and they only have to play Bayern Munich next week.

Werder Bremen : NO CHANGE. Beat rival Hamburg 3-2, they had a 2-0 lead at the half and allowed two goals in 4' to start the second half. I finally got to see Marko Marin score, the guy reminds me of a not-as-funny Andrei Arshavin who actually looks his age. I'm so late on this report that Bremen have just finished their Champions League game against Inter, a bad 4-0 loss.

Side Note : Finally figured out what happened to Per Mertesacker, he took an elbow to an eye in an international friendly. Apparently it broke his eye socket and their were concerns of permanent damage to his vision, looks like he will be ok.

Bayer Leverkusen : NO CHANGE.

Kaisersluatern : NO CHANGE. Lose 0-1 to Hannover 96 in a dull game. Kaiserslautern had a few chances to score but let Hannover take this one. They are really falling down the table now and have probably settled into the bottom half for good.

VfL Wolfsburg : NO CHANGE. Didn't get to watch their 2-1 win over Freiburg. Grafite nets twice.

Eintracht Frankfurt : NO CHANGE. Win 2-0 over Nurnberg, vault out of the relegation zone... barely.

Fantasy Baseball, 150 Games Down

Well, this is it. Just about two weeks left in the season, so the misery will finally end for eight members of our league. Sadly, the misery will end, but some of it will carry over until next season. Maybe one day I will be cleansed with victory, but it isn't likely. Everyone but Andrew is in standings purgatory, as Drew is 7.5 points clear in first (70), with the second place team (62.5) 2.5 clear of me (60), and I'm 5.5 clear of fourth. I would need everyone on my team to pull a Tulo to jump into 2nd, and Andrew's team would have to invent negative HR's, K's, and RBI's to lose.

I'm basically the living dead right now. I can be extremely happy that my most expensive player, Tulo, is destroying the ball. Tulo missed a tad over an entire month and hit 12HR and 55RBI through August 31, then he ate some spinach and hit 14HR and 34RBI in the month of September. Just to clarify, September isn't over yet. Where was this 4 months ago Tulo?! I was drinking your bathwater all season, and you save this for the last month of the season?! Oh yeah, Zito broke his winless streak at 12 starts, thanks Barry.

Oh Tulo, you handsome, mercurial, injured, sandbagging devil.

Andrew's luck combined with a stellar pitching and the 7 Closers Strategy has helped him lock up the season. It also helps that the #2 team, which was in first for quite a while, basically burst into flames. He lost his best pitcher, letting Andrew in, and started streaming closers which made it even worse.

Current Status
Bert - Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
Andrew - Yeah well, I still jerk off manually.

Bundesliga : Stock Report, Week 5

Another short week, after watching Antonio Valencia break his leg mid-week I've been a little out of it. I only managed to catch two games this weekend (Werder Bremen-Mainz, and Schalke-Leverkusen), but the fixtures looked fairly vanilla (aside from the 7-0 ass kicking Borussia Monchengladbach took) so nobody moved around in the standings.

Borussia Dortmund : UP. Shinji Kagawa! Dortmund beat rival Schalke 3-1, two of their goals coming from Japanese international Kagawa. Dortmund looked good, Schalke's recent form has been horrible, and they just couldn't catch a break today. This game could have been much worse for Schalke, I like what I saw from Dortmund today. This win puts them in 3rd, the season is young so that sounds more impressive than it should.

Werder Bremen : NO CHANGE. Lose 2-0 at Mainz in a very dull game. Neither side played all that well, but Bremen looked least interested in winning. I finally got to see Marko Marin play, and he didn't really do all that much aside from missing a few chances to put one on goal. They have been without Per Mertesacker, and I keep hearing alot of Champions League Fatigue excuses, its getting old. Mainz looked like they wanted this game, and took it, two preventable goals sent Bremen packing.

Side note : I learned that Bremen's rival/derby team is Hamburg SV, a team that could break into this list if I see good things from them.

Bayer Leverkusen : NO CHANGE. Draw 0-0 with Nurnberg, snooze. Despite having the ball 67% of the game, nothing much happened. It was even boring to read the game report, although Stephan Kiessling was injured.

Leverkusen may be lucky if this is as close as he gets to the field for the rest of the season.

Kaisersluatern : NO CHANGE. Draw 2-2 against TSG Hoffenheim, "plummet" out of the top after their win over Bayern. Their early form is slipping, but they aren't getting blown out of games.

Side note : Mainz is their rival/derby team, I may have said this last week.

VfL Wolfsburg : NO CHANGE. Win 2-0 over Hannover 96. Dzeko nets in this game, making it 4 goals in 4 games for him. This was a much needed win even though they are still in the relegation zone with a 1-0-3 record.

Eintracht Frankfurt : NO CHANGE. Lose 1-0 to FC Freiburg, still out of the relegation zone, but not by much.

Bundesliga : Stock Report, Week 3-4

Another short report. No games the previous week due to an International break, but plenty of fun this week. I was able to catch Werder Bremen and Kaiserslautern online.

Side note : I'm now very interested in true rivals. Whenever I've asked about rivals I get "Bayern Munich" as an answer. I can't believe the entire country is rivals with Bayern, so now I'm on a mission to figure out all of the rivalries.

Borussia Dortmund : NO CHANGE. Didn't get to watch them play, beat Wolfsburg 2-0. Their Japanese player scored one of the goals, I'm actually surprised there aren't more Japanese players in the Bundesliga.

Werder Bremen : NO CHANGE. Weird week for Werder, two draws; 0-0 with Bayern Munich in a so-so game and they come back from being down 2-0 to Tottenham in the Champions League, finish the game 2-2. Marko Marin nets in the CL game, this could have been bad for Werder. They have looked poor to start the season, but these games could signal a turnaround.

Bayer Leverkusen : UP. How can I root for a team with Ballack, easy, he was injured this week. Now he can stand on the sidelines and look very majestic, just like he did for Chelsea last year. Drew 2-2 with Hannover 96 this weekend.

Kaisersluatern : NO CHANGE. Lose on the road to Mainz 2-1 in a pillow fight of a game. The game was quite dull, but the goals were very good. Apparently this was a derby game, and the Mainz fans came with cardboard signs/models and made a giant Aztec complete with temple and still beating heart representing 1FCK. Why am I not shocked that Germans could organize such things, never seen this kind of thing before.

VfL Wolfsburg : DOWN. The fall continues, I know its early but they are melting down. Lose 2-0 to Dortmund, I think McClaren's head is going to explode. Apparently the Bundesliga is tougher than the Erdivisie.

Eintracht Frankfurt : UP. Stomp all over Borussia Monchengladbach on the road, walk away with a 4-0 win. I wish I could have seen this, quite a swing for Monchengladbach after scoring 6 last week.

Fantasy Baseball, 140 Games Down

The season is almost over, and part of me can't wait. I have a feeling Andrew has basically locked it up, for his second straight win, and if I'm lucky I could finish second. Andrew has been blessed by the Baseball Gods, who struck down the previous #1 team. Josh Johnson, one of his many great pitchers, is done for the season and opens up a number of categories for Andrew and I.

My team is basically in limbo. I'm 3 back of 2nd, and 7.5 back of first. My guys are just chugging along, this status update sums up my whole season, "Barry Zito excellent in seventh straight loss."

Oh, so I can expect three more?

Andrew's team can do no wrong at this point. I do find it funny that since he refused to trade Adam Wainwright to me the guy has been less than stellar. Since August 16th the guy is 1-5 and his ERA has "soared" from 2.06 to 2.50, guess I dodged a bullet there. I can't see Andrew losing this unless something horrible happens to his entire team, like if the NL just fell into the ocean.

Current Status
Bert - Johnson?
Andrew - If you will it, it is no dream.

Nike Drops A Deuce, Virginia Tech Ruins 2010-11

I think I threw up in my mouth a little last night, but not just because Virginia Tech failed to save college football (more on this later). Boise State and Virginia Tech trotted out wearing Nike's newest wave of Pro Combat uniforms, and they were worse than I could have imagined. The geniuses at Nike have ramped up their campaign to turn NCAA football uniforms into a very very unfunny joke.

I'm not going to go over the new wave of garbage, since I may end up grinding my teeth into dust. If you are interested in reviewing them one of my favorite blogs (Uni Watch, yes, I get it) did a good piece on them for ESPN. Read it here.

The Tron Pumpkins failed to beat the Clowns, sadly the joke is on us.

The uniforms from last night made me sick. Nike is using the tradition and interest in college football to spring a tasteless marketing campaign. Their justifications for the designs are a joke, I can't imagine many people are excited about their team looking like they were just in a coal mine (West Virginia) or part of the cast of Tron (Virginia Tech). I'm also not sure why Halloween is in this year, there are three teams (Miami, Virginia Tech, and Oregon State) that look like they should be trick-or-treating. I'm actually curious if the Great Pumpkin is going to run out with Miami this year.

Ok, enough of Nike. My hatred for their Pro Combat stuff is well documented and goes back to last year. I was upset last night, and even more so this morning, when Virginia Tech failed to restore some sanity to the world of college football. Just to be clear, I don't have anything against Boise State. They have a great coach and a very good QB, I'd trade Chris Peterson for Jeff Tedford and Kellen Moore for Kevin Riley any day. Actually, I'd trade a ham sandwich for Kevin Riley, but that's another story. My concern is that a very good team that plays in a garbage conference is now positioned to coast through the season and walk into the BCS title game.

I knew it would happen, but when I looked at the rankings this morning I was shocked to see that eight morons gave Boise State a #1 vote in the AP poll. Only four people voted Ohio State #1, luckily forty seven stuck to Alabama. My last hope is Oregon State, who travels to the blue turf, but after they choked against TCU (great game by the way) I doubt they will be able to pull it off. Boise State will face such juggernauts as Idaho, New Mexico State, Louisiana Tech, and San Jose State in conference play while Ohio State will have to play Miami, Wisconsin, Penn State, Iowa, and Michigan. I'm calling it right now, if Boise State plays in the title game 2010-11 will be a sham of a season. God forbid they win, if they do the entire BCS system will implode into an absolute mockery of reason.

If Oregon State loses everything will depend on the computer rankings. It was nice to see the coaches weren't drinking to blue Kool-Aid to start the season, but they voted Boise State up to #3 after last night. I pray the computers can take into account the pitiful conference and weak schedule when BCS Rankings time rolls around. I don't like the current BCS system, I think we need a +1 playoff, but letting in a team based on warm feelings and "fairness" is not the way to fix it.

Fantasy Baseball, Please End The Misery

My teeth hurt. I'm so over this season, its not funny anymore... lets get this over with.

My team, in conjunction with the Baseball Gods, is completely imploding. The Gods have struck me down without mercy, and thanks to my own stupidity its going to get worse. Jeremy Hellickson was promoted, went 3-0 with a 2.57ERA, and was promptly send down to the minors. Thanks alot Baseball Gods, at least you didn't help me win the Strasburg Lottery (TJ's and done for this and next season). It also turns out that taking a "Fuck This" managerial strategy isn't good, I missed the roster warning on my most unpalatable DL citizens (Rod Barajas and Jeff "I Shit The Bed" Niemann) and now that they are off the DL they are back on my roster. I'm going to jump out a window now.

Thanks for being awesome, now pack your bags.

Andrew continues to be the luckiest SOB on the planet. I knew Joey Votto would be good, I know he did as well, but nobody would have said that he would challenge Pujols for best overall. The two are duking it out for the Triple Crown, Votto is enjoying the offensive explosion in Cincy, and I wish I hadn't backed off him because he missed time for depression, or vertigo, or whatever crap I was hit with last year. Kelly Johnson continues to hammer the ball, defying all reason, so at this rate Andrew might crap a bar of gold

Current Status
Bert - Fuck the tournament.
Andrew - If you will it, it is no dream.

Bundesliga : Stock Report, Week 2

This is going to be a short report, I was only able to watch two Bundesliga games this week (Schalke 04-Hannover 96, and Stuttgart-Dortmund), only one of them with a team in the running.

Side note : I just flat out do not understand the German trend of having the name of the team on the back of the jersey. So many teams have the team name across the back where the player's name normally goes, and the players name under the number. I'm less annoyed when the player name is up top and the team name is down below, but I still don't understand the need for the team name.

Borussia Dortmund : UP. One of the games I was able to watch this week, won 3-1. Played well with the help of a nutty OG that started as a cross and deflected off Khalid Boulahrouz.

Werder Bremen : NO CHANGE. Beat FC Cologne 4-2 after getting stomped on by TSG Hoffenheim last week. I wish I could have watched this game since Marko Marin started, good to see them bounce back after a humiliating loss.

Bayer Leverkusen : DOWN. I may need to add Borussia Monchelgladbach after this week. Leverkusen was crushed by Monchengladbach 6-3, which is never a good thing. It might be better for Leverkusen that I didn't watch this game, but still, 6 goals is pretty bad.

Kaisersluatern : UP. Kaiserslautern is top of the league, and not just because of the alphabet. They beat FC Cologne in week 1, apparently not a difficult task, but they followed it up by knocking off Bundesliga juggernaut Bayern Munich 2-0 at home. I wish I had been able to watch this game, the highlights were pretty impressive. Kaisersluatern's first goal (Ilo Ilcevic) was awesome.

There was a Youtube video of Kaiserslautern's goals but the Bundesliga has pulled them.

VfL Wolfsburg : DOWN. Lose 3-4 to Mainz, oh and what a loss it was. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but Wolfsburg was up 3-0 at one point and managed to lose this game. Not a good sign.

Eintracht Frankfurt : NO CHANGE. Lost 1-3 to Hamburg SV. They led the game 1-0 and had a complete meltdown at the 60' mark when Hamburg drew even, eventually allowing two goals in a span of 7 minutes to close out the game.

Top Ten Best Club Kits Of 2010-2011

This was disturbingly difficult. There are so few good kits this year, it was basically impossible to narrow it down to 10 different teams. The designs being shat out by all involved are so awful that the best designs were pretty no frills. Sadly, the vast majority of the "Best" involve vertical red stripes which is very disappointing.

ARSENAL (Home) : These aren't really in any order, but Arsenal is definitely #1. The Gunners return to a classic red body with white sleeves, very clean and simple. Well done on Nike's part, sadly a rarity this year, too bad their away kit has the yellow-maroon color scheme.


PSV EINDHOVEN (Home) : Extremely close to their 09/10 kit with one huge change; the rear continues the the vertical striping. Last year they had solid red backs, solid backs on patterned kits is one of my biggest pet peeves (see Werder Bremen in our 10 Worst post) and they got rid of that for the 10/11 version. Simple, clean, very nice.


MANCHESTER CITY (All Three) : This is lame, I know, they are pretty much the same as last year. That is how bad the crop of kits is this year, all it takes is a solid jersey with collar accents to make our Top 10. Also, to be fair, their third kit is the same as last year. So Umbro strikes gold by doing nothing, hopefully Nike/Adidas are reading this...

RANGERS (Home) : Another simple throwback inspired jersey. Not much to say here, but I do think they get points for having a collar. It makes me sad the the collar has become an endangered design element, so its nice to see it... even if its from 1970.

RANGERS (Away) : Yes, this is how hard it was to find 10 great jerseys. Vertical red stripes, get used to it.

CELTIC (Home) : I thought it would be nice if Celtic were right next to Rangers. They have ditched the bumble bee look for their classic green and white, and I like it.
AC MILAN (Home) : Ok, try not to fall asleep here because the vertical red stripes continue their assault on our Top 10. Adidas manages not to completely mangle this one, bonus for the new sponsor logo as well. I know its out of their control, but the rectangle of black with the sponsor inside it looked horrible. Tangent : I hate the way the rectangle + sponsor looks on kits. Just hate it. It looks like someone just slapped it on, look at Bayern Munich's new home kit. I don't even think the rectangle is the same white as their stripes.
SUNDERLAND (Home) : Simple, nothing crazy here. I don't know why, but vertical red stripes seems to be the way to go. I don't know why nobody out there rocks a blue or green. The only non-red vertical stripes I can think of is Juventus and Newcastle, and Puma butchered Newcastle, not to mention the sadness of a non-Newcastle Brown Ale sponsored jersey. How could you kill the greatest Club-Sponsor pairing ever?!

OLYMPIQUE LYON (Home) : Another white kit, but I like the old school sash element. I wish the sponsor logo didn't cut it in half, but with the way things work we are lucky that the sponsors don't pick the 25 man roster.
ATHLETICO BILBAO (Home) : Yes, they look like an American flag. I don't care, they look good. Nice to see Umbro nailing the simple and clean designs, I know Nike owns them so I don't understand how the two can be so different on that front.

Top Ten Worst Club Kits Of 2010-2011

It is with much sadness that we make this list, mainly because this has to be the worst year for kits ever. It was shockingly difficult to cut this list down to 10, it could have easily been 100. I'm not joking at all, 100. Adidas alone could field 50 horrible kits, we would really like to know whats going on at Adidas HQ. Only one of them made it on this list, only because there were more questionable design decisions out there, but Nike has started a trend of jagged/blurry designs that confuses us. Maybe they were bored.

WERDER BREMEN (Home & Away) : So bad they could be two different entries, but lets save some space here. There is absolutely nothing I like about these, maybe their standard green, but that is about it. I have said this before, but it looks like Nike took Slovenia's World Cup Charlie Brown look and said "How can we make this worse?", and they nailed it. These jerseys hit on everything I hate; random jags, two shades of the same color, back panel doesn't match the front, shit font that makes the Netherlands' electrical tape look good. I'm half convinced Mesut Özil took one look at these and said "Fuck this, send me to Real Madrid!"or whatever the equivalent is in German.

Side Note : Go to Google and type in "Slovenia Jersey" but don't hit enter yet, the #2 and #4 search suggestions contain "Charlie Brown." Nike, you guys rock.

TOTTENHAM (Home) : Puma follows up the deuce they dropped in 09/10 with something equally horrible. This makes the Spurs look like a bunch of sailor boys, just a warning, don't look up "sailor boy" on Google images. Maybe Puma was inspired by Japanese school girls.


BORDEAUX (All) : Puma strikes again, this time its tripled. Bordeaux really pioneered the Sailor look last year, and its back with a vengeance. Just to make things worse, Puma threw in a purple and pink kit. I'm also staring to notice, maybe its a Spanish/German/French thing, but all of the crappiest kits get trotted out on girls. Either that or a player with no shirt flanked by girls wearing the kit, although Mainz's kit isn't all that bad. I imagine that players are so humiliated by these kits they refuse to model them.

I like the one in the middle, the girl, not the kit.

OLYMPIC LYON (Away & Third) : These two look like they were made in some ludicrous Project Runway challenge. Maybe they didn't want to be outdone by Bordeaux, or maybe the strategy is to blind opponents. It saddens me a bit because their home whites actually look pretty good, apparently they only had enough good design juice for one kit.
AJAX (Away) : On the surface these look harmless, but they land on this list for sporting the most idiotic jersey gimmick I can imagine. What is it you ask? These jerseys GLOW IN THE FUCKING DARK. When would this be used? Do they play games in pitch darkness in the Eredivisie? Is Ajax's fan base made up of ravers and potheads... oh, wait, Ajax is in Amsterdam. Well, I still think these are stupid, add in the Baby Bjorn pattern and these give me a headache.

CELTIC (Away) : Really? Really?! I demand to know who thought this was a good idea.

CHIVAS & CHIVAS USA (Home) : A rare cross-border collaboration between the Primera Division and the MLS. These both look like they were made with parts of an American flag used in random patterns. Bonus points here for some Adidas-Reebok teamwork.

TSG HOFFENHEIM (All) : I'm really hammering Puma, and they deserve it. We get the sailor boy, boomerang accents from last year, and the odd pattern popular with the African teams in the World Cup. Puma must really be fighting with Adidas for the Bundesliga's ugly dominance.


BARCELONA (Away) : I don't get this at all. Last year it was salmon, now foam green. Maybe they are going for a nurse/doctor scrubs look. Suddenly white isn't good enough, at least their 08/09 yellow kit matched their colors and looked decent.


VFL WOLFSBURG (Home & Away) : These are horrible and, of course, by Adidas. I love vertical stripes, but not with dark green and black. The terminating shoulder stripes, the odd expanse between them, these have been tormenting me for years now. I really like the away kit because the green section pushes the Adidas and Wolfsburg logo way up high, and you can't see very well but there are these tiny gray marks all around the chest that look like a giant fingerprint.

Bundesliga : Stock Report, Week 1

Well the first weekend of the Bundesliga has passed, and my plan has partially backfired. I thought all of the games would be on ESPN3, but it looks like only one game a week will be available and if I'm lucky one will be on cable when I'm watching EPL games. This blows, but I'll do my best to catch as much as possible.

Werder Bremen : DOWN. I was not impressed at all by Werder Bremen's 4-1 beating at the hands of TSG Hoffenheim. They were rescued from complete disgust by extenuating circumstances, and I hope they don't play like this every week. Bremen lost their best player (Mesut Özil) to Real Madrid, and they played in a Champions League game a few days ago. They looked very tired and once TSG went up 2-1 they looked like they completely checked out. I wasn't impressed by anything they did, they have some work to do. Also, hideous kits, I found myself looking away in disgust a number of times.

These are so ugly, it was really hard to watch.

Borussia Dortmund : NO CHANGE. I got lucky and Dortmund played Leverkusen today. I was able to watch while Man United gave me heartburn at Craven Cottage, and I was pleasantly surprised. Dortmund lost 2-0, but they played an attacking style of football I didn't think existed outside of Bayern Munich, I'm already seeing the Bundesliga in a different light.

Bayer Leverkusen : UP. Went up a little by beating Dortmund, but I mostly enjoyed their attacking style. They could have been better with the ball, EPL teams have spoiled me, but they weren't the plodding defense first team I expected. I still feel queasy at the idea of following a team with Michael Ballack, especially one with a Chelsea-esque blue kit.

VfL Wolfsburg : NO CHANGE. Lost to Bayern Munich in a close game, didn't get to watch this one.

Eintracht Frankfurt : NO CHANGE. Lost 2-1 to Hannover 96 and their freakishly horrible kits, didn't get to watch this game. No harm in losing, unless they do it every week.

Kaisersluatern : UP. Beat FC Cologne 3-1, good sign for a recently promoted team. I didn't get to watch this game so I can't really draw any conclusions. Just nice to see they are moving in the right direction.

Fantasy Baseball, 120 Games Down

With roughly 42 games left to go the season is basically over, at least for me it is. The league is down to two teams and I'm not one of them so I've basically checked out. The only thing left for Andrew and I is to maintain our teams and desperately try to make trades as the Sept 1st trade deadline approaches.

I'm about 75% checked out right now, and all I can do it hope that the injury bug is done with me. My offense, once a shining example of draft strategy, has been decimated by injuries. Losing two of my best players (Choo and Tulo) for over a month has caught up with me, and the loss of Youkilis is really paying off right now. I'm losing points in close categories that Youk gave me (HR, AVG, RBI) and I have no way to make up for it. My best hope is that Justin Upton and Billy Butler ascend to a higher level of Baseball Consciousness and completely destroy the league over the next 40 games. Add in my ability to add pitchers who quickly find the DL (Jeff Niemann, although I was able to add Jeremy Hellickson) and I'm done, see y'all next year.

Jeremy "Hell Boy" Hellickson, my only hope.

Andrew is still plugging away in 2nd, although he enjoyed a brief stint in 1st. He continues to ride baffling seasons by middling players (Kelly Johnson, Aubrey Huff) and is still in contention. He recently swapped Francisco Liriano for another closer, so he should be gaining in the saves category. I don't think he can win it, but with 42 games left alot of crazy things can happen. A single player on a tear could turn the chase.

Current Status
Bert - He fixes the cable?
Andrew - Shomor Shabbos!

2010-11 EPL Picks

Top Of The League

1 - Chelsea : I can imagine a scenario where Chelsea chokes down the stretch, but they have spent so much money and return most of the team that battered the league last year. I think they win the league by at least 4 points, pad their stats with a few 7-0 wins over Championship bound teams, and feature more than one insufferably arrogant jerk.

How dare you call me insufferably arrogant!

2 - Arsenal : They have all the talent to win the league, but they managed to get their teeth kicked in by Chelsea and Manchester United last year. They still have a small lineup and will probably get pushed around by bigger squads, but they have enough offense to ignore their fragile defending. If, and I know its a big if, they get a full season of van Persie and Fábregas they should have a shot at the title.

Fábregas to Barcalona?! Fábregas to Barcalona?!

3 - Manchester United : A tough pick for half of the Sports Optimator, but last year was their "How the hell did they win the league?" chance and they blew it. Lord Ferg added a few budget players, because you need 15 strikers, and missed out on the big marquee signing you expect of United. I think United is a solid third, and quite possibly tie Arsenal for points but fall to third based on goals scored and/or goal differential.

They aren't broken, I picked you to finish 3rd.

4 - Manchester City : Comfortably out of the Top 3 but firmly in fourth. City has spent and eye watering amount of money to improve their team and should make the Champions League just based on that. Adding Yaya Touré, David Silva, and Jerome Boateng (along with 40 other guys) should be enough to put them over Spurs and floundering Liverpool.

Bottom Of The League

18 - Wigan : Newcastle should stay up, so someone has to go down, why not Wigan?

19 - West Brom : Open the season with a brutal loss to Chelsea, welcome to the Premiership.*

20 - Blackpool : The EPL equivalent of a cup of coffee, or maybe its a cup of tea over there, thanks for coming.**

*I wrote this two days ago, and they were torched 6-0 this morning.
** Beat Wigan 4-0 today, maybe they should trade places.

Bundesliga? Ya Wohl!

July 11th at about 230pm was the worst possible moment I can think of. No, not because the World Cup ended in a Spanish victory, it was the longest possible time before the next World Cup. Luckily every single day brings us closer to 2014, and the Euro Cup is waiting for me in 2012. I managed to watch every single game, the vast majority live, and aside from being able to live out one of my lesser dreams I was shocked at what a grind it was. Getting up at 3am and sitting in a bar until 2pm was surprisingly exhausting, and I think I managed to carry the bar financially during the 6am to noon doldrums. With all of that in mind you would think that I'd like to take a break from football, but you couldn't possibly be more wrong. I'm actually planning on expanding the amount of time I spend watching a bunch of millionaires kick a ball around for 90 minutes.

I recently decided that I needed to give the German Bundesliga a shot since its apparently the most watched league in Europe. I'm not really clear what that means (attendance or TV viewers), but it was enough to get me thinking about choosing a Bundesliga team to follow. I was able to eliminate one immediately, Bayern Munich, but that left me with quite a few teams to choose from. I started following all of my current teams between the ages of 13 and 18, but I never really put much thought into it beyond "I like Player X" followed by staying with the team over time. I started by asking around for suggestions and just looking over team websites, and I managed to settle on a handful of teams and some criteria for making my final decision.

These are the criteria I decided on, they are by no means final and in no particular order, and are also quite stupid.

Young Talent / Franchise Future : I'd like at least one guy to look forward to seeing for a few years. The weird thing here is that most non-Bayern teams will most likely lose their super talented youth to Bayern eventually, so the best I can hope for is a very talented guy who won't get sold off. I'm also not interested in following a team that just buys all of their players in their prime with eye watering transfer fees.

Bundesliga Tenure : This is an unfortunate requirement since I have no access to the Zweite Bundesliga, and I'm going to be pissed if I settle on a team and they promptly get relegated. I would like my team to win titles, but Manchester United has spoiled me rotten so I'm not going to require my team to win the league regularly. I'm going to be watching everything on ESPN3, so I think setting the bar at "Don't get demoted" is pretty reasonable.

Great Kits : The most ludicrous of my criteria. Being in the design profession causes me to think about these things, so I can't help it. You may laugh, but I would be pissed if I was a Chelsea fan right now. This is also complicated because most Bundesliga teams are Adidas kits, and for some reason the brain trust at Adidas decided to drop a deuce on their teams. Yes, Chelsea is supplied by Adidas.

I've settled on a starting six that I'm going to "audition" this upcoming season, hopefully one of them wins me over.

1 - Werder Bremen. These guys have an unfair advantage right now: Mesut Özil. Özil was awesome for Germany during the World Cup, so they get a Man Crush bonus with a 21 year old guy that looks like a muppet. The problem is that I wouldn't be surprised if Bayern Munich bought him before or during the season. Werder Bremen also has an interesting team history and a habit of staying in the Bundesliga. I'm also happy that they use Nike kits and the Green-Orange color scheme isn't as bad as it sounds. Sadly, this year their kit looks like a complete disaster. It looks like Nike started with Slovakia's Charlie Brown lightning bolt theme and said "How can we make this look worse?", and they nailed it. Bonus : Champions League in 2010-11.

The unintentional comedy here is through the roof, I just wish I spoke German.

2 - Bayer Leverkusen. As soon as Andrew told me that people call them Neverkusen, because they never win the league no matter how good they are, I knew they needed to be included. I have a bad habit of choosing lovable failures without knowing, so why not join the Neverkusen bandwagon? Leverkusen features midfielder Toni Kroos and striker Stefan Kiessling (21 goals), both German nationals. They have a good history of staying up, but their kits (Adidas) aren't so great. Negative : Much to my dismay they have brought back Michael Ballack, and I don't know if I can root for a former Chelsea player that I have never liked.

Something tells me I'll need alot of this.

3 - VfL Wolfsburg. These guys were in the Champions League this year and won the Bundesliga in 2008-09, but their coach left the previous season and they had a bit of a meltdown this past season. They feature the league's top scorer in Edin Dzeko (22 goals), but the big budget vultures (Man City) are circling as I type. They also suffer from Adidas kits, but I like their Green-White colors. Bonus : Just hired Steve McClaren who just won the Erdevisie title with FC Twente.

4 - Borussia Dortmund. Recommended by a friend, second least familiar with them. Nevin Subotic is most recognizable player for me, there is some kit potential here with their Yellow-Black non-Adidas look, and a good history of avoiding relegation.

5 - Eintracht Frankfurt. Another recommendation and the biggest unknown for me. They don't have a history of getting relegated, but they don't have a history of finishing top of the table either. Their roster is a giant question mark, and their top scorer had 10 goals last year. They do get points for having a decent non-Adidas kit, and their Red-Black colors go nicely with my existing loyalties.

6 - FC Kaiserslautern. This is Andrew's team, so I'm giving them a fair shot. I have no idea who their players are, and they were just promoted from the Zweite Bundesliga. They have a history of moving between the leagues, so I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about them even if they do everything right but wind up bottom of the league. Andrew has nothing but great things to say about them, well he hates their uniforms, so I'm getting some good background on them. Plus, nice to see a team from a small town do well, nothing wrong with a loyal local fan base. Bonus : Andrew's lobbying.

There must be a Zoolander joke here somewhere.

All of the fun starts August 20th, and despite all of my considerations I don't really know who I'm going to wind up with after the season. All of my experience with the Bundesliga revolves around extreme profanities, for real events and video games (FIFA 98 & 99), right around 1998-2001. I'm very interested to see if my life can weather an additional league, something crazy could happen like fostering greater respect for Michael Bradley and ending up a Borussia Mönchengladbach fan. Even if I don't enjoy the Bundesliga at least I'll walk away with some German curse words, its the least I can hope for.